Wednesday, November 27, 2013

My Son

I only have a picture now,
A frozen piece of time,
To remind me of how it was,
When you were here, and mine.

I see your smiling eyes,
Each morning when I wake,
I talk to you, and place a kiss,
Upon your lovely face.

How much I miss you being here,
I really can not say,
The ache is deep inside my heart,
And never goes away.

I hear it mentioned often,
That time will heal the pain,
But if I'm being honest,
I hope it will remain.

I need to feel you constantly,
To get me through the day,
I loved you so very much,
Why did you go away?

The angels came and took you,
That really wasn't fair,
They took my one and only Son,
My future life. My heir.

If only they had asked me,
If I would take your place,
I would have done so willingly,
Leaving you this world to grace.

You should have had so many years,
To watch your life unfold,
And in the mist of this,
Watch me, your Mum grow old!

I hope your watching from above,
At the daily tasks I do,
And let there be no doubt at all,
I really do love you.

Monday, November 25, 2013

Behind the eyes!

 Behind  the eyes of everyone there is always something they struggle with daily life,loss and many other life events that may be traumatic to an individual. There is so much more behind the eyes of everyone. Something much deeper than anyone can see! Everyone has something beyond the shell. Intellectual conversation in depth can help to let this portion shine! Have you ever taken the time to realize that there is so much more than what meets the eye? Or even looked behind someones smile?

 Inside my eyes there is a window to my soul that only I can see. I enjoy solace when everything seems unwinding and nothing else can prevail. With each day I become stronger. Every step I take becomes a leap of faith for the day.

The loss of my child seems to be the worst pain that one can endure. It does not matter if the loss was expected or unexpected the pain is so much that no parent should ever have to endure.Unfortunately, this tragic situation occurs more often that individuals realize. Grieving is a long road as one can never forget a precious child. However, we find ways to cope with the pain and continue on. As holidays approach there is much more behind the eyes than one can see. The ones we hold dear are not near, the pain continues behind the eyes and the smiles. We continue to move forward and   Cope in our own ways. As the pain will always be here to stay. "Wear your tragedies as armor not shackles"~unknown

Saturday, November 23, 2013

Don't Rush Me

         Please don't rush me. My child is gone. I will never hold his hand again. Share in his happiness or his sorrow. This is the grief parents feel when they loose a child. Grief so strong it controls yours life. You try so hard to not let it but does. Please don't tell us to "Let it go". "Don't dwell on it" . "We need to go on with our lives." The list goes on & on what people have said to me and other parents. Do you know how hurtful these words are to us? If you don't know what to say. Hugs us,. Hold  us tight. Hugs mean more to me than anything else. It showed you cared. You felt our pain. The holidays are near. We feel the loss of our child. But no one is near to dry our tears. Please don't turn your back or walk away when we feel the need to talk. We feel safe with you. But you walk away. Become silent. We need you so much right now. Please don't become a stranger. Bring up our child. Yes,it may bring tears. But happy tears. Talking about memories. This is all we ask. So hard with the holidays when you look around and that special person is not here and your heart aches so much. Just a simple glimpse of anything will make you think of them.

 We all travel the slow journey through the grieving process in our own way, our own time as long as  It's never easy, always so hard and as individuals we continue to ask ourselves "why"so many times However, we have to believe there is a better place for them where we will meet once again. Rather than shed tears one day we will think of them and  smile as we remember their beautiful smiles and  their eternal spirit.

Grief seems to be a solitary journey. No one but you can mourn the silence. There is no such thing as unresolved grief, for grief can never be resolved, just lived with, endured, day by day.

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Friday, November 22, 2013

Caffeine and Blood Pressure

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Every morning many of us look for the tea,coffee, energy drinks and soda to help us rise to start the day. We also as human beings tun to caffeinated drinks or that chocolate bar when we are pressed for time or have a long night ahead. Is it really working or are you immune to the effects? When it comes to blood pressure, caffeine may or may not effect blood pressure.
A normal blood pressure is generally along the following guidelines with some flex.
BP Stages
210/120 Very high
160/100 High
140/90 Borderline high
130/85 High/Normal
120/80 Normal
110/75 Low/Normal
90/60 Borderline low
60/40 Low
50/33 Very low
Read more at +Buzzle:

Let's look at some of the reasons that caffeine raises blood pressure. As caffeine causes blood pressure to rise it blocks a hormone that is located within the arteries. As a result of the hormone called adenosine being blocked. Adrenaline is also produced giving the stimulation and increase ones blood pressure. As the effects on blood pressure and caffeine are yet to be confirmed. This making the long term debate over blood pressure and caffeine ongoing.

In past experience as a caffeine drinker in excess I have found my blood pressure to rise. After changing my drink of choice to water and less caffeine I felt more at ease as my blood pressure went down. I have found that it is in part of the intake and diet that can increase blood pressure. I also find that excessive use of caffeine decreases the amount stimulant as ones body may become immune to the effects. However, since caffeine has a stimulant it is considered a drug. Like any other drug it can cause withdraw symptoms. When I was stopping the use of caffeine I had to do it gradually. Otherwise, symptoms such as headache and fatigue. 

One may want to consult with a physician as this blog is for information purposes only and is not to be utilized as expert advice.

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Thursday, November 21, 2013

Creating Emotional Freedom A Battle That Does Not Have To Be!


            Creating emotional  freedom is a constant battle. In walking through the journey of the past year, I have discovered that there is nothing one can do to change people and their patterns. One must be willing to help themselves. In my willingness to help others I find that this has been the case for everything. I find that this seems to involve developing a sense of emotional separation. Especially for health care professionals. One must establish emotional boundaries and ensure that the difference between one's personal emotions and the emotions of others around you. This means that one is able then separate and  gain a greater personal relationships as well as accepting responsibility, and being less likely seek and attract codependent relationships with others. As I enjoy helping others as many individuals do, one must learn when too much is too much and how to break a cycle of emotions.

            I have noticed that there are often times when one holds an image of  emotions and their expectations. As one should be able to break free from this pattern as there is no certain way that one should think or feel or even act. Individualism is a very important when it comes to creating a set of emotions that pertain to each individual. We as individuals must eliminate the image of expectations. This is simply not reality and being true to one's self.  Just because as a society we believe that having a great emotional health means that one is positive all the time it is not the case all the time. This is not reality and can be very unhealthy. Instead, one should allow themselves to feel how they want to feel at any given time without labeling, analyzing or assigning a negative or positive value to your emotions.

         Oftentimes, we have we have not become comfortable with showing emotions. However, it is a good technique to learn to identify the emotions and experience them as they come to you. We have to identify emotions besides the  normal emotions that we name them as. As we often carry a limited vocabulary when it comes to emotions such as,sad,happy and angry. If you further identify the emotions such as I may be angry yet it is actually disappointment. There are over a hundred different emotions. Taking the time to identify individualism and self-awareness for these emotions is very helpful. Expressing yourself is the process to mature and confident communication. For example, stating emotions in the following statements differently can effect an outcome of communication;
  • "You made me mad"
  • "I am angry"
          These two statements can have different end results as the first one can place blame and create the consequence of a complete shutdown. It then reduces efforts of further communication.  The second statement eliminates the blame of the conversation and opens the door to further communication in a civil and mature manner. However, one must be extremely cautious as to the intentions behind the statements as well. Note that the communication is not to have expectations that the other person will soothe or make one feel better. However, the communication is to be able to express and be able to soothe ones self.

          Upon learning to express your emotions and allowing yourself the ability to express your emotions within yourself, it will then become easier to separate ones self from the emotional experiences around you. Allow others to be expressive of their emotions around you as well. Everyone has thier own way of being expressive. Once you are able to place boundaries you will then be able to see other people's emotions and not hold yourself accountable for them as a end result.
This will then help with healthier relationships and more expressive communications.

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Saturday, November 9, 2013

"Gone Away"

This poem is a poem that helped me a lot when dealing with a lot of grief. I dedicate this poem to a dear friend of mine who lost her dad this morning. My deepest condolences to you and the family. He was a great husband,dad and grandparent to his family.As well as many friends.

Gone Away
© Diana Blokzyl

An Angel whispered take my hand and come with me you're work here is done.
I went away to a place where there's no tears, nor sorrow only laughter and smiles, there will always be a Tomorrow.
As I move amongst the clouds.
I'll look down and smile upon you, while the angels sing a heavenly song. I am not alone all who went before are here they awaited my return.
I know you'll grieve and wish I was still here
I am here in the memories you hold dear.
Remember how much I love you and know I took your love with me.
I did not wish for you to cry, nor feel sad.
My pain is gone and I am Free!
Soon you'll come to me until then God will be with you Just as He's with me.

Gone Away #FamilyFriendPoems

Thursday, November 7, 2013

Reinventing Yourself after Divorce


           A chapter has ended and there is so much  that has gone on. The divorce papers are filed and its looking to the next chapter and door that opens. The relationship that one had so much high hopes for has dissolved after possibly being married for decades,years,weeks. One may be heartbroken or relieved and sometimes a little bit of both.

          Starting the new chapter of life takes a lot of work and it can be dreaded. There is the next question that one may ask themselves. Where do you turn from this point forward? Reinventing ones self as a newly single person takes looking at a few aspects. These aspects include but are not limited to questions to ask the4mselves such as, what do I want my life to look like? Where do I start from here?  As individuals who marry do not marry with the intention feeling as though they will be in this situation someday. Everyone has unique experiences in a marriage experience and there are different circumstances lead to the break up as the end result. Now let's look at the reinvention of how to "Move Forward" after a loss. One must take the time to grieve and face the facts as this is a great start to helping one to reinvent themselves as a person. The grieving process includes feeling or loss,guilt,remorse or even questioning ones action and wondering if the right thing was done as a end result. One must come to grips with the fact that a loss is a loss as a end result. As I had to  Make room for positive thoughts.  and be able to work through the feelings that one goes through.

           One thing that I can say that is a huge deal is to not carry your baggage into the next relationship. Focus your energy on healthy activities and talk about the feelings. As human beings everyone may find it easier to move the baggage into the closet and leave it for later. This will not help one to reinvent themselves as a end result it makes things worse. Therapy is also a great way to work through ones emotions,feelings and struggles. Many individuals see therapy as a bad thing. However, it can help one to create a better life and not fall back into the same negative patterns that one did before.  One must not assume that therapy does means that you have a problem it just means that you are in crisis at that point and time and need someone to help express the feelings and work through them. One must remember that even though the feelings of guilt come in the process of grief there is a point one may self-rejection after one goes through the process of a divorce.

           One must focus on liking themselves before they can love anyone else. One must acknowledge that one again a loss is a loss. Working on gaining and maintaining confidence in ones self helps one to achieve the ability to gain self-worth!