Coping in different ways Not everyone is the same!

          I am a very observant person.I sit back and watch.With my Anxiety,depression and PTSD, I find myself reaching for a new structure to everyday life.With everyone coping differently not all solutions out there are for me. There are times when I look at others solutions to cope and it is not how I would find myself coping. When individuals' try to help me I feel as though I am still alone. Not everyone is the same. Every mothers worst fear seems is that of losing a child. I know mine was. Now that my child is gone there are times I often find myself saying that it has made me "fearless". What more can go wrong? It is not easy and I cannot say that anyone can just get over it.In several articles I have read I find that they all pretty much say the same thing. However, I stress so much that we are all very much different. I find that many articles say that one way cope is to talk about it. Honestly,I have found that this helps. However,I am not a person to open up about what I am thinking. The solution I found for this coping mechanism is that of blogging. I am spreading the word with my thoughts and opening up to others from "behind the scenes".
          The next thing that I notice is that people are saying to stay busy. To me this is like alcohol. You are masking your problems. I have seen instances in my observations where the ones that seem happy are hiding from thoughts. As a end result they break down or even commit suicide. Why is it that this may occur? Alcohol suppresses feelings to make you feel good for the moment. So does finding an alternative. Staying busy for me is like asking for a million dollars. I do get down and depressed. However,I have found that making a difference for other people even if it means bringing my computer to the bedroom is enough to research and try to cope by listening to music. I am not trying to be someone I am not. Music helps to relax my mind or conform to my mood rather than suppress it.
          I however did find an article that I found to be credible and helpful as it also stresses that everyone is different. Losing a child is a very painful process. I once had someone ask me not long ago if it was harder to lose a child after knowing them for eight years or to a miscarriage? This one is hard to answer. However, I find my answer is that it is hard either way and everyone is different. As stated by National SIDS Resource Center(1997)" As part of the grieving process, bereaved parents experience ups and downs and a literal roller coaster of emotions. For these parents, a personal history includes a past with the child and a present and future without the child. For most grieving parents, it is vitally important to verbalize the pain, to talk about what happened, to ask questions, and puzzle aloud, sometimes over and over.It is the nature of grief that feelings, thoughts, and emotions need to be processed and that those in grief must look into their hearts and souls and try to heal from within. Each does this in his/her own way. "Grieving parents are survivors" (Rando 1986, 176), and each survivor travels this lonely and painful road in a way each maps out. In traveling this road, parents often respond differently, learn to live with their grief separately, and express their sadness uniquely. Grieving parents can and often do feel alone, disconnected, and alienated. They need to know that there are many ways to grieve; there is no timetable for grief's duration; there are no rules, boundaries, or protocols for grieving."

        I found this to be so insightful due to various reasons.These reasons include but are not limited to the fact that many people will judge by the length of time the child has been deceased. I have even heard people mention that since a person child has been dead for over a year they are done grieving. This absolutely breaks my heart because I know for a fact that this is not the case. I have just barely began to grieve and have flashbacks. My son has been gone since February 12,2013. I am not only writing this blog to talk I would like to listen. You can feel free to message me. I like to hear from others with different thoughts,opinions or have been through the same. I can be reached on twitter @movingforward30 or by email at rwilliams0726@gmail.com.

          
          
    








 **This blog is based solely on my opinion/thoughts and not meant as a guide. If you are in need of help please seek professional assistance. If you are having suicidal thoughts call 911 immediately. I promise they can help.